i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
