in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
