she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
