I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
