I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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