I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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