In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
