Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
