what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I deserve this hangover.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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