Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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