you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
