My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A+ Viking dick
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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