do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
