i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
