those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
