Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
