He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
