when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
