i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
