Sponge bath it is.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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