It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
