somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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