I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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