All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want her autograph on my taint
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
