I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
