this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
