It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
