I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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