On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
