my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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