How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
