new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
