i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
