First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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