Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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