I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
