We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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