you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
