Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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