It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
