I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
