very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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