my mouth tastes like poor choices
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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