quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
