I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
