Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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