Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
