Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
