He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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