Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
