I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
MIDGETS
????
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
