I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
